In which we invoke a scientologist to talk about power and snow.
Kelsey Weekman (Condition 2) and Drew Goins (Condition Eww) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
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Kelsey Weekman (Condition 2) and Drew Goins (Condition Eww) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
Kelsey and Alice chat with filmmaker Tchaiko Omawale about iCal, self-doubt and her upcoming film "Solace." Tchaiko is currently raising money to finish production on her film; you can support it here. The interview contains mentions of self-harm and eating disorders.
Kelsey Weekman (very important) and Drew Goins (very pretentious) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
Welcome to the first blog post of the rest of your life. This is your formal introduction to The Onyen, the Daily Tar Heel’s first official satire blog.
I don't know a lot about politics. I know that Jay Pharoah does a funny Ben Carson impression and that Barack Obama is 6'1" (Michelle is 5'10")!
Drew Goins (young, scrappy and hungry) and Kelsey Weekman (mainly hungry) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
In this week's episode Kelsey and Alice interview Park Cannon, UNC grad and candidate for Georgia's State House. They also discuss love for Cam Newton, and their favorite conspiracy theory.
UNC graduate Park Cannon has a lot going on.
Need a last minute Christmas gift for the gal who has it all? Or just a regular non-holiday, non-specific gift because if they're used to having it all they will welcome getting even more? Look no further!
Drew Goins (little blond elf boy pumped for the holiday season) and Kelsey Weekman (still unclear on whether or not she is Jewish) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You're been preparing all semester, crying in a couple standard places (Davis Library, hidden nooks of the Union), but the time has come for the most advanced on-campus crying.
It can't be done.
Drew Goins (“Squanto” in his kindergarten Thanksgiving play) and Kelsey Weekman (“Gourd No. 2”) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
The newest episode of our podcast includes many invitations to #interact with us on Twitter, but in case you needed some extra prompting, here are some topics we discuss in the new episode.
In episode five of the podcast, Kelsey and Alice get emotional over Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, reenact choice emails from UNC's athletic-academic scandal and give short guys the love they deserve.
A bunch of winners of deadlocked North Carolina municipal elections were selected last week by flipping a coin or selecting pens of different colors.
Kelsey Weekman (2015 Draco Malfoy edition of Justin Bieber) and Drew Goins (2009 bowl cut edition of Bieber) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You know how a cheerleader does pushups to count the points after UNC scores touchdowns? That cheerleader dropped to his knee after the very first touchdown at the Duke game Saturday.
Kelsey Weekman (all work and no play this week) and Drew Goins (in a play this weekend) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
Struggling under the weight of schoolwork? The Boy Who Lived can probably help.