Four simple words. But admitting that one of them might describe your sexuality can change your life forever.
Today is National Coming Out Day, an annual event sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign to encourage LGBT people to recognize and celebrate their sexuality.
"One of the big things about this day is to say you're not alone," said Marcie Fisher, a high-risk program specialist at the Center for Healthy Student Behaviors. "It's something unique to this community -- African-Americans don't have to come out as black, Koreans don't have to come out as Korean."
UNC offers a number of resources to help students struggling with the decision to come out of the closet, most prominently an informational Web site administered by the Dean of Students' office and a weekly rap session conducted by Fisher.
But forums, books and advice can only go so far -- coming out is an individual, dynamic process.
Fisher said most estimates put the LGBT population at 6 to 10 percent of the general population, meaning there could be more than 2,000 students on campus confronting the issue.
Today, to commemorate National Coming Out Day, five students have chosen to share their stories, to put a human face on these labels and categories and explain how coming out at UNC goes far beyond a 24-hour process.
Marcus Harvey
He's not just a gay male -- he's a black gay male, raised in a Southern Baptist family in Halifax. The senior is involved in everything from working at Planned Parenthood to attending Black Student Movement meetings.
And rather than coming out privately, Harvey chose to reveal his sexuality via a confessional one-man theater show.
The show, which premiered in March at UNC, deals with themes of race, religion, sexuality and AIDS.
Harvey said that as a drama and communication studies major, coming out on stage was a natural step for him.
"I saw a connection in myself as a black man who's gay, who's spiritual and who knows people that are HIV-positive," he said. "I think in the 12th draft of the show, I decided to come out because it was getting very personal to me."
He said he first realized his sexuality as a teenager when he dealt with a very personal death; the resulting depression prompted him to rethink his priorities. "I accepted my sexuality when I was about 16," he said. "I had a child, and he died, and that was my wake-up call."
He said his parents -- the first people he told -- were supportive, though he felt pressure to conform because of the small town in which he was raised. But Harvey said the crucial element of his coming-out process was defining himself as a "double minority," both black and gay.
Harvey said he didn't see any campus support for minority LGBT students, prompting him to start the student group Diversions for LGBT students of color.
"In the black community on this campus, I had no voice, because no one was choosing to deal with issues related to homosexuality, homophobia and AIDS," he said. "In the gay community, people didn't choose to think about people of color."
Trevor Hoppe
In middle school, most romantic relationships are still in the stage of, "Do you like me? Check yes or no."
But while most of his fellow students were flirting in study hall, Trevor Hoppe, a freshman from Charlotte, was exploring and defining his sexual identity.
"I think the first time I can remember ever having a word for it is when I saw the `Never-Ending Story,' and I enjoyed it a little too much," Hoppe said. "I was 12 or 13 when I first started coming to the realization, and by 13, I was definitely sure."
Hoppe said he was forced to come out at 14 when his parents found a letter he had written to a friend. "My parents didn't know what to think about this -- they came up with all these fun facts that weren't true, like most gay people die of AIDS," he said. "They thought I was too young to make this kind of decision."
Hoppe said he and his family went to therapy, which proved to be helpful despite his initial skepticism. "I needed to clear the air," he said. "I can't imagine life without them finding the letter -- I never would have gotten the oomph to do it, and I'm glad it came so soon."
Hoppe said he was out to almost everyone at his high school, but he said he didn't become actively involved with the gay community until he reached UNC, where he formed the LGBT Film Society as a social outlet for LGBT students.
Hoppe said life in high school -- and now, in college -- would have been very different if he hadn't come out when he did. "It's like a weight you carry around -- the longer you carry it, the heavier it gets."
Alex Mann
You would think someone who can hold your gaze and never flinch is someone who's pretty comfortable with himself -- but for the senior art history and religious studies major from Washington, N.C., it hasn't always been that way.
For years, Mann struggled to resolve his sexuality and religion and come to terms with his identity as a gay man.
"I started realizing I was interested in guys in high school," Mann said. "I tried to date girls, find explanations for it, like maybe it's because I don't have a lot of close friends who are guys."
Mann said he first came out to his roommate his freshman year at UNC.
"When I tried to tell myself I was straight, I was more or less living a lie," he said. "I was looking at the college experience as a chance to start over."
Mann said his decision to come out was complicated by his involvement with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship and the struggles he had to resolve his religious values with his sexuality.
"Even after I told (my roommate), I was still pretty uncomfortable with it," he said. "I thought it was something I might grow out of, something that might change if I gave it time."
After Mann came out to his roommate, he had to tell his parents the summer before his sophomore year.
"My mom in particular was really cool about it -- even now, it's easier to talk to her about it," he said. "But I don't guess many college students talk to their parents about (their love lives) in detail anyway."
Mann spent last year in Heidelberg, Germany, an experience he described as the culmination of his coming-out process. "Being (in Germany) was a chance for me to start over again -- all my friends knew I was gay, and it was a non-issue," he said.
And he said coming out is the most important step he has ever taken in feeling comfortable with himself.
"I didn't feel like I could honestly consider dating when I wasn't out to my friends, parents and the people in my life," he said. "In high school, I tried to figure out who I was, but college was a time to accept things and move on with my life."
Emily Rudnick and Susanne Sreedhar
Emily Rudnick and Susanne Sreedhar live together in Pittsboro. They even have two dogs and two cats.
Their immaculate, funky living room looks nothing like the dwelling of a normal college student. Especially when you notice the rainbow-striped lighter lying on the coffee table and the coasters reading "Girls Kick Ass."
Rudnick and Sreedhar have been a couple for eight months, but both took different paths to reach their relationship.
Rudnick, a continuing studies student from Chicago majoring in women's studies, said she was 17 when she came out to her family and friends.
"My mom kind of forced me into it," she said. "I had a best friend, and we were definitely more than friends."
But Rudnick said she was uncomfortable accepting her sexuality at first. "I thought it would be easier if I was bisexual -- I could still hold onto some sense of the norm," she said.
Rudnick said meeting Sreedhar has helped her become comfortable as a lesbian. "It's really a process," she said. "I've come to the point where if I'm not open about it, nothing will change."
But Sreedhar, a graduate student in philosophy from Washington, D.C., said she had never considered a same-sex relationship before meeting Rudnick. She said her sister is a lesbian but that she had never doubted that she was straight.
"I fell in love with Emily, and it shocked the shit out of me," Sreedhar said. "I never thought I could fall in love with a woman, never thought I could want to have sex with a woman."
Because she never considered herself a lesbian, Sreedhar said she never had a traditional coming-out process. Sreedhar said her sister was a role model for her when she came out to her mother.
"I'm not sure how (my mom) feels about having two lesbian daughters. She thinks I'm going through a phase," Sreedhar said. "(My sister) made me think being a lesbian was cool. I just didn't think I was one."
Sreedhar said, for the most part, she does not see UNC as accepting of the LGBT community. "This is a very straight campus -- you don't see pride flags, you don't see gay couples," she said."We get looks when we hold hands on campus."
Rudnick said the best way for her to confront the pervasive sense of being different is to be part of a visible couple.
"I feel like we're activists because I live with Susanne in this house, we go to puppy training classes on Monday nights, and we go to her department and see her coworkers -- that is our activism."
The University Editor can be reached at udesk@unc.edu.
