Kvetching board for Sept. 4

kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Is it a bad start to a relationship if I found $320 wrapped around a condom in my new girlfriend’s room?

“It’s so diverse here” translates to “My high school had no black people.”

To the red headed girl who attempted to molest me: No means no. It does not mean try harder.

To my drunk friend: My closet is not a bathroom.

To the guy who lives upstairs: Please stop banging your guitar… and your girlfriend.

Four out of five girls with cleavage agree: There are definitely more creeps this semester.

UNC: You take away my free copy of the New York Times yet decide to keep the lights in the football stadium on all night to “break them in”? What the hell.

To whoever left feces on my front porch: I hope you get swine flu.

Freshman: I’m not sure how your libraries were in high school, but loudly talking across the UL about Facebook and your high school prom is simply not acceptable.

Guy in Chem 102: Since when did farting and chuckling to yourself become a great pastime? I don’t know, but thanks for the laughs.

When you get to a crosswalk — 1: Look, 2:Hang up/stop texting, 3: Move!

To my roommate, PLEASE buy a longer bathrobe. When you come out of the shower in just that, it simply doesn’t cut it.

Is it okay for dirty old professors over 40 to check out your bodacious cleavage? Over 50? We gotta know!

I’m going to go ahead and rant at myself for printing 1,000 PDF pages this morning. Sorry everyone, I didn’t know they would take so long!

My professor said “clitoris” at least 20 times in class today.

To the guy in my Spanish 105 class: Your failed attempts to correct the teacher aren’t amusing. Being bumped-up from 101 doesn’t make you a badass.

To the boys who stole the sherbet from the stairway during the Hinton James ice cream social: I saw you.

To the freshman in GREK 101: Don’t interrupt class to ask if you can use the bathroom; JUST LEAVE. You’re a big boy now!

Dear Professor: It’s been the second week of class and I’m already falling asleep. Can we please work on this?

Chancellor Thorp: Thanks for not cock-blocking me on the South Building steps the other night. BEST CHANCELLOR EVER!

If get swine flu from a guy that I hooked up with at a frat party, does that make it an STI?

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to dthedit@gmail.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’