v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
Dear Justin Wilcox: I saw you Saturday night in your basketball shorts at Qdoba. Don’t be afraid to look good.
To all the guys participating in No-Shave November: Shave — or we’ll start participating, too. Love, the ladies of UNC.
Dear twins: Can you two double team ME sometime? Thanks.
To the Caldwell bathrooms: You make me wanna hold it.
To the girl sitting in front of me in Psychology 101 who Googled “How to get pregnant”: I hear Bing has more reliable results.
Who decided that Miley Cyrus was good warm-up music for the men’s basketball team?
Dear foreign students in the UL: Just because you are speaking in a different
language doesn’t mean we can’t hear you.
Dear DTH: Thanks for Wednesday’s side of front page man-titty with my
morning coffee. Preesh.
Dear roomie: It’s time to trade in your low-rise jeans. I’ve seen your butt more than my own this semester.
To the guy who peed right in front of my apartment’s door on Tuesday night: I always wanted a moat around my castle.
I had to wait a full minute before I could send this kvetch in. Thanks, UNC Webmail team.
Overheard in Union: “He is so Asian, but he also looks black. He is so gangsta!”
Hey, Gossip Girls: Hate to break it to you, but sixth floor Davis is not, in fact, the Upper East Side — xoxo.
Dear UNC groundskeepers: Day by day you vacuum away all my fall fun.
Romeo: I know you’re deeply in love, but is it really
necessary to nibble your
girlfriend’s shoulder during the football game?
To the girls who thought I was Anoop Desai and took a
picture with me: Good thing you didn’t hear me sing.
To the two girls walking on South Road: No one wants to know what you would do if given the opportunity to “tag-team” Roy Williams.
To the girl who said she was surprised about a pimple because she doesn’t have asthma problems: How did you get into UNC?
To the man sitting at a
computer in the UL: Yes,
everyone upstairs can see you picking your nose. Nooo! Don’t touch the mouse!
To whoever left the glazed chocolate doughnuts in the UL: I hope you just forgot them and didn’t spike them with something, because I just ate them.
To the freshman with the huge golf umbrella: Compensating much?
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to
subject line ‘kvetch.’
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