v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
To the people who choose which Kvetches to publish, which one of you do I have to sleep with to be chosen?
To the girl who itemized her sorority expenses — too bad all that money couldn’t buy you some class.
Stop talking about how you have soccer practice and games. You’re the manager.
Johnny White for President.
To a certain UNC boy, if you can’t even pay for my McDonalds then don’t expect your hand to get anywhere near my pants.
To the State fan driving down I-40 who rolled down his window to stick his thumbs down at my mom’s UNC flags on her car and lost his own State flag: Brilliant.
To every UNC professor ever, you can simply refer to “that school in Durham” as Duke.
To the girl walking around campus with a stuffed unicorn on her head … why?
I love being a conservative on such an open-minded, accepting campus.
Does anyone know where I can register to vote?
Dear DTH: Benefits or not, Marvin Austin is a student first and an athlete second. Can you actually be supportive of student athletes and not deface his picture with DONE?
Sport shorts: $30. Rainbow sandals: $60. Sorority T-shirt: $20. Being honest about what you actually wear every day: Priceless.
To that guy I hung out with ONE time, stop calling me and take me out of your profile picture. You’re creepy.
Dear “heterosexual” male who was telling his friend how he hooked up with a crazy, hot female model while in NY for FASHION WEEK, who are you kidding? We all know you went shopping for Manolos too.
It’s odd to watch someone you don’t know attempt to Facebook stalk you, especially when you are sitting right beside them in Davis.
“Thorp always makes an A.” I guess grade inflation is a problem at Carolina after all.
Yo Greg Little, I’mma let you finish your apology, but Reggie Bush was the greatest cheater ever.
To the tour guide who told her impressionable, young high school tourees that “advising is really helpful at UNC”: I made my best, sarcastic bull-shit face right at all of them when I walked by.
Cargo pockets are only acceptable if they are digital camo and you are killing terrorists.
To the tattooed guy on the Quad trying to get to Italy by hassling people with magazine subscriptions and piggy-back rides to the ATM: No, thank you.
Really? You and your friend really thought it was okay to walk around me to take the ONLY open computer in the UL lab?
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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