v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
As a graduating senior, I’d like to leave my fellow Tar Heels with the greatest advice I can: The UL is the best place to poop on campus.
Dear N.C. State students: Sorry that a letter to the editor offended you; I didn’t know you had time to read in between feeding your chickens and plowing the fields.
Black Falcon 2.0: Harrison Barnes Returns. With John Henson, Kendall Marshall and Tyler Zeller. Directed by Roy Williams. Coming Fall 2011 to an arena/TV/aircraft carrier near you.
To the student who emailed our entire chemistry lecture with a description of a “dude” whom she met and needed to give her
correct phone number to: That is adorable.
To the guy sitting next to me also randomly bursting into laughter: Dude, we are so high right now.
Sorry darling, but just because he walks you back to your dorm doesn’t make it a half walk of shame.
Dear Alert Carolina, would you have even texted me if a tornado had touched down on campus?
Dear future employer: You want me to get 500 responses in a week? Are you f—-ing serious? https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/musictrends
People, please, quit putting screenshots of your fall schedule on Facebook. Do you really think anybody cares?
To the person who pulled the Granville Towers fire alarm tonight — if we didn’t know who our friends were sleeping with before, we know now!
To the classy couple having sex in the 10th floor study lounge of Morrison on Friday night: You can find yourselves on YouTube.
To the senior who was asked if they were studying on a Thursday: My weekend started on Tuesday. Who the @#$% are YOU?
To the person who kvetched about gas prices being higher than your GPA: Since when did stealing Katt Williams’ tweet become a kvetch? #losing
Dear Mary Cooper, let me be the Monica Lewinsky to your Bill Clinton.
To my roommate who keeps clogging the toilet: When I offer you some of my high fiber snacks, it’s more than just a suggestion.
Why did the admissions office schedule so many tours on 4/20? I get paranoid when people stare at me.
Our Big Three stay, and Kentucky’s Big Three bolt: I’ll take loyalty over Calipari any day.
North Carolinians waiting to turn left are models of southern efficiency.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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