Kvetching Board for June 28, 2012

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
To the CTOPS guy from Maine who said it was “really hot” when the high was 80: Get ready for a fun four years, bro.

Isn’t kvetching about not having a kvetch posted an oxymoron and permissible as two negatives yield a positive kvetch?

Thanks YoPo, for advertising acceptance of credit cards, but failing to mention the $0.20 fee.

I just submitted three kvetches, can I go back to playing with After Effects and watching my summer TV shows now?

To the lady on Franklin rockin’ the “I’m Fat, Let’s Party” tee: TOPO dance floor Saturday night?

To the girl half naked on MLK Friday night: How did you explain those grass burns the next morning?

To the guy that swiped my boyfriend’s Coca-Cola last Friday night: Enjoy mono.

These summer kvetches are so desolate a tumbleweed rolls by every time I read them.

To the incoming freshmen who stop and look around every time they trip on the bricks: don’t worry, you’ll learn.

Whoever put those sharp bushes along Rosemary where I walk home from bars is clearly unaware of the dangers of a litigative culture. Thanks for nothing.

To the dOOkie I met in Raleigh the other night: When the phone goes straight to voicemail, it means I ignored your call.

To my old housemate who Facebooked about how much the food sucks in France: You’re in France. STFU.

To my calorie conscious friend: I’m no nutritionist, but I’m fairly certain your portion controlling efforts are negated by the fact that all you eat is Wendy’s.

That awkward moment when your friends discover your anonymous Twitter.

Hosting a cookout this weekend. Guest chef Mother Nature will be serving up her favorite: roasted human beings.

Stilman, can’t you just make basketball your mission?

If you have to ask how to spell a made up abbreviation for a word, you probs should just use the whole word.

Thank you, Instagram, for filling my Facebook newsfeed with endless artistic photographs of eyeballs, half eaten food and couples’ feet.

_Send your one-to-two sentence entries to
opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’_