Kvetching Board for Oct. 17, 2012

kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

To the college student wearing Aeropostale, middle school called. It wants its wardrobe back.

To the guy that pooped all over the toilet seat on two separate occasions: How wide is your butthole?

Nothing like getting drunk to “Hocus Pocus” to show you just how on track your life is.

To the white dude outside my dorm trying to freestyle: You are not Eminem. Please be quiet.

I don’t think yelling in class at the professor, “You ruined my birthday. YOU RUINED MY 29TH BIRTHDAY!!!” is going to change the paper deadline. This is grad school.

To the guy trying to pee behind a dumpster: I know you were trying to be discrete, but you do realize you ended up facing a road, right?

To my public relations class: I was just throwing up during the exam to help you on that crisis communication question. You’re all welcome.

To the guy wearing the Lone Star flag shorts: Is everything bigger in Texas?

To the girls who screamed, “Go to Hell Duke” outside my window: School spirit is good, but not at 3 in the morning.

To last week’s hipster haters: Don’t be mad that we wear old clothes, ride rusty bikes, play grungy music and still get more ass than a vintage toilet seat.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’