v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
To the guy who fell asleep on the ab machine: Location of sleep does not increase calories burned.
To the leaf that fell down my shirt: Thanks for reminding me that that’s the most action I’ve had in months.
Great, now my Livestrong running shoes are out of style … Thanks, Lance!
Congrats Quidditch team, you weren’t the biggest nerds on campus this week!
To the overzealous Humans vs. Zombies player who knocked me off my bike: Maybe check next time to see if I’m wearing an armband or just an England rugby jersey.
To the guy who got on the J at the School of Nursing stop and loudly asserted that meningitis “definitely can’t be transmitted from person to person” — you make me scared for the future of health care.
Congratulations Humans vs. Zombies participants! You’ve officially reached virginity level 9,000!
To the girl who came up behind me and meowed in my ear thinking I was “someone else,” do I look like your cat?
Today, I maxed out my hours of booked UL study rooms AND was fined for using the markers too long. I am a sad, sad senior.
Hey, how was your fall break?
To the 12 year old in my math class who lobbied for our midterm to be on Nov. 1: One day you will understand the importance of drunkenly walking around Franklin Street in a costume.
No one ever told me senioritis was this bad.
YOLO is really just about low-key participating in Humans vs. Zombies your senior year after ridiculing them with all your friends for three years straight, right?
To the guy in Davis with two computers, a coffee and a gallon of water: How’s that Adderall binge treated you?
To all the GDIs on campus: If you hate Greeks so much, why are you so opposed to them hazing each other?
To the guy that was walking a toy poodle through the quad: I would have been more than happy to stop what I was doing to help you find your lost dignity.
Great, we got the co-founder of AOL to speak at graduation. Why don’t we make this a real ‘90s party and have Kel, Chumbawamba and all the members of *NSYNC who are not Justin Timberlake speak?
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to email@example.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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