v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
Realizing that the only time you’ve accepted a Safe Walk was when you drunkenly peed in the UL after stealing pumpkins from Frat Court.
Beyonce for SBP.
Girls of the gym: When you spend more time checking yourself out in the mirror than working out, I question your motives.
Jagir, you’re right that SBP doesn’t matter — just like the Campus Y co-president!
Never thought I could have an anxiety attack from taking a poll, but then I took Balaban’s ECON 101 class.
To the guys in Rams who we had the table dispute with: Next time, just say something. Those British accents will get you anything.
We have a Genome Sciences Building?
To the girl in the Union bragging about “talking” to a Duke basketball player: The petition for your expulsion from UNC has begun.
To the girl who yawned loudly in the library: Was that a yawn or a whale’s mating call?
To the guy playing Kirby during my biology class: Have fun while it lasts because Kirby is going to have a hard time sucking in that first midterm grade.
To the girl looking up dog breeds in ANTH 102: I like dogs more than humans, too.
To the guy in the Cameron Crazies shirt in Student Stores: You’d better be making a purchase.
To everyone who gets on the bus only to get off at the very next stop: You have legs. Use them.
The early bird gets the worm! And also 4 out of 8 washing machines in Carmichael. Sorry not sorry.
Yo ABC, why do we need a shot about tons of girls fighting over one guy? This is UNC; we see it every day.
To the girl that dropped her vibrator in the stall next to mine: Do you want your battery back?
Rule #1 of Wilson Library: Do not come in here if you have a cough.
To Mr. Beautiful in my WMST 101 class: Wanna study this woman right here after class?
In Soviet Russia, does kvetch submit you?
Dear Christy Lambden: I know you’re running for SBP and all, but shouldn’t you meet me before adding me on Facebook?
Will you please just sign my petition so I can get out of the cold?
After last year’s SBP voter turnout, only the candidates are hoping for a controversy free election.
To the girl blasting Taylor Swift: Imma let you finish, but you have one of the worst music tastes of all time.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to email@example.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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