The Daily Tar Heel
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Friday, May 17, 2024 Newsletters Latest print issue

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The Daily Tar Heel

v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Realizing that the only time you’ve accepted a Safe Walk was when you drunkenly peed in the UL after stealing pumpkins from Frat Court.

Beyonce for SBP.

Girls of the gym: When you spend more time checking yourself out in the mirror than working out, I question your motives.

Jagir, you’re right that SBP doesn’t matter — just like the Campus Y co-president!

Never thought I could have an anxiety attack from taking a poll, but then I took Balaban’s ECON 101 class.

To the guys in Rams who we had the table dispute with: Next time, just say something. Those British accents will get you anything.

We have a Genome Sciences Building?

To the girl in the Union bragging about “talking” to a Duke basketball player: The petition for your expulsion from UNC has begun.

To the girl who yawned loudly in the library: Was that a yawn or a whale’s mating call?

To the guy playing Kirby during my biology class: Have fun while it lasts because Kirby is going to have a hard time sucking in that first midterm grade.

To the girl looking up dog breeds in ANTH 102: I like dogs more than humans, too.

To the guy in the Cameron Crazies shirt in Student Stores: You’d better be making a purchase.

To everyone who gets on the bus only to get off at the very next stop: You have legs. Use them.

The early bird gets the worm! And also 4 out of 8 washing machines in Carmichael. Sorry not sorry.

Yo ABC, why do we need a shot about tons of girls fighting over one guy? This is UNC; we see it every day.

To the girl that dropped her vibrator in the stall next to mine: Do you want your battery back?

Rule #1 of Wilson Library: Do not come in here if you have a cough.

To Mr. Beautiful in my WMST 101 class: Wanna study this woman right here after class?

In Soviet Russia, does kvetch submit you?

Dear Christy Lambden: I know you’re running for SBP and all, but shouldn’t you meet me before adding me on Facebook?

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Will you please just sign my petition so I can get out of the cold?

After last year’s SBP voter turnout, only the candidates are hoping for a controversy free election.

To the girl blasting Taylor Swift: Imma let you finish, but you have one of the worst music tastes of all time.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to, subject line ‘kvetch.’