v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
I know why we need a portal: So Duke students can see what attractive girls look like.
To the guy who gave his girl an iPad for Valentine’s Day: I hope her gift to you was your next two rent payments.
Dance minor coming to UNC? Take that, Gov. McCrory!
Feb. 17: Because ain’t nobody got funds for full price Russell Stover.
Duke fans get as many girls as Manti Te’o.
Want to get my vote in the runoff election? Promise to outlaw exams the day after UNC-Duke games and I’m yours.
To the girl who plastered Greenlaw with “missing cat” posters: I’m confused. Did you lose it in the building?
Cowboy boots, yoga pants and badonkadonks. These are a few of my favorite things; keep it sexy girls.
Dear football players: Does riding those Fisher-Price-sized scooters really help your BAMF image?
To the ass goblin who peed in my dryer: 10 p.m. is way too early for you to be ruining sober people’s nights.
Oh, two puddles outside? Everyone break out the rain boots and jackets.
To the woman nursing a newborn while studying for medical school boards: Please stop making me look like a lazy, waste of life.
To my AFRI 370 professor who assigned a six-page paper to a 10-person group: Thanks for protecting the academic reputation of your department.
To the guy in my POLI 100 class: I’ll check and balance your legislative body.
I was looking for a nice guy in my classes to spend Valentine’s Day with, but then I remembered I was a WMST major.
Thank you organic chemistry for helping me master the technique of drawing hexagons, pentagons and other assorted squiggles.
To the kvetcher from last week complaining about Dance Marathon recruiters from three weeks ago: Are you going to kvetch about SBP petitions in a month too?
If I “forget” to register for May graduation, can I stay?
To the guy walking out of Lenoir wearing shorts and a T-shirt while eating an ice cream cone on the coldest day of the week: I respect your faithful consistency that the weather and our basketball team lack.
Dear ex-boyfriend: We are never, ever, ever getting back together, especially now that I know you think cargo shorts are an acceptable fashion choice.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.