v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
if I don’t get phase one Duke tickets, I will do to the CAA what Danny Green did to Greg Paulus.
Hot girls in yoga pants: Please stop wearing long shirts.
If I die young, bury me in Davis Library, because I will be there anyway.
Shout out to the mom in class babysitting her kid via Skype while schooling everyone in politics discussions.
When the zombie apocalypse comes, Student Congress is going to wish the Tar Heel Rifle and Pistol Club had all that ammo to practice.
To the freshman couple getting to second base in the UL, I guess no one’s told you about the eighth floor of Davis yet.
To the hipster who almost made me vomit by taking his Toms off next to me in the UL: Is showering and wearing socks too mainstream for you?
My midterm grades: 94, 92, 85, 80, 42. Guess which one is physics!
Midterms: When “resting your eyes” for a minute turns into a five hour nap.
To the girl arguing over a pregnancy test price in Walgreens: Pretty sure condoms are on sale, but I guess you wouldn’t know that.
To the guy sitting across from me in the UL who just did a fake stretch in order to slyly smell his armpit and then looked to see if I noticed: Yeah, I did.
To all the UNC scientists and researchers analyzing global warming: Have you seen my heating bills?
Gary Birdsong for pope!
To the girl touching up her makeup in Carroll on this rainy Tuesday: All that fake is just going to wash off once you step outside.
There is a special place in hell reserved for anyone that helped a State fan get into the student section last Saturday.
To the people watching me Snapchat in the library: I can feel your judgment and am unaffected by it.
To my dance partner: How about next time I teach you how to shag?
You know midterms are rough when you finally go to sleep and then hear the birds start chirping.
Yeah, the sounds of heavy construction and doors slamming really help me concentrate, so that’s why I study in Davis Library.
Now accepting suggestions from psychology majors on how to classically condition my classmates to shower more.
With spring break rapidly approaching, it’s crunch time in the gym. Literally.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to email@example.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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