v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
Yo, Holi Moli and giant chalk: I’m really happy for you and I’mma let you finish, but pollen is the most annoying dust to cover this campus of all time.
Dear Carolina Instagram users: I know how beautiful campus is. I go here.
When did Pit preaching become the new hobby for white males in their forties and fifties?
“World’s Largest Spoon Train” (see also: Guinness World Record for number of awkward boners).
To the guy who barked as he walked past me: Wait, what?
RHA: When your fire drills become so regular that my body trains itself to sleep through them, you’re doing something wrong.
To the guys that feel the need to casually throw the football shirtless on Ehaus field: Your ego is showing.
It must be really hard for the Humans vs. Zombies players to give up all the sex they were having to play for a week … Oh wait.
So liberals slam the GOP for “not being strong on education,” then get mad when they want to teach kids cursive? That makes sense.
To the guy sitting on the floor of the UL drinking a beer: Studying — you’re doing it wrong.
To the girl I heard typing on her laptop in the bathroom of Graham Memorial: Wait, I shouldn’t have to say this.
Dear summer: I need you like employment. Love, a senior.
To the girl playing footsies with me in the UL: You can play with a whole lot more outside of the library.
Tree gametes … tree gametes everywhere.
To the guy who started down the escalator at Lenoir with his plate and then fell when he tried to turn around: No one saw it dude, you’re good.
The Born-Haber Cycle is like a condom: I know how it works, but I have neither the desire nor the patience to use it.
To all the trees having sex: Get a room.
To my MATH 232 teacher: Do you enjoy crushing dreams for a living, or is that just you having fun?
OK, Achordants, I don’t think a picture of the Titanic is really a good way to promote a successful Seven Seas spring concert.
The most “twisted” part of Ram’s “Twisted Fairy Tale” night was the terrifying lack of seating.
To the boy Tebowing in the study lounge: Sorry, I don’t think that’s going to help you pass your chem exam.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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