My friend, who is an EMT, recently told me a story about a call she received while on rotation. A young woman called emergency services complaining of abdominal pain. When the ambulance arrived, my friend began asking her typical intake questions including, “Is there any chance you may be pregnant?” To which the young woman replied, “No, I’m a virgin.”
This is all well and good, except for the fact that the woman was sitting with who appeared to be her young child on her lap.
My friend asked, “Ma’am, is that your baby?” to which she replied, “Yes." So my friend then clarified by asking, “Did you give birth to this baby?” When the young women answered “yes” again, my friend said she asked no further questions and decided to let the hospital staff deal with the patient’s sexual history.
When my friend told me this story, I explained to her that there’s only one possible solution to her confusion; she had actually witnessed the work of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
The whole concept of virginity, although entrenched in our culture, religion and education, needs a serious makeover. Like, let’s Queer Eye that shit.
The emphasis we’ve historically placed on female virginity is three parts ridiculous, one part based on folklore. My favorite historical fun fact is that senior members of government used to observe the wedding nights of royals in order to confirm the wife’s virginity (thereby confirming the legitimacy of any heirs) and assure that consummation took place — after consummation, marriages couldn’t be annulled.
But, do I have news for you – divorce and paternity tests now exist! So, armed with the abilities to determine the paternity of any children and leave your partner, regardless of sexual history, why do we still divide our lives into the sexual 'before' and 'after?'
Having sex with another person for the first time can be a very intense experience, and entering into the situation with serious consideration is a great way to ensure partners are on the same page and fully consenting. Waiting until you build a sense of trust and connection with a partner may lead to easier communication during sex and may result in a more enjoyable experience.
But I want to make one thing clear: you are not ‘losing’ anything by having sex, nor are you ‘giving’ anything to your first sexual partner. Your lack of sexual experience is not a gift or something to fiercely protect. I mean, how can you even protect or give a non-action?
