You Asked for It is back for senior year, so we’re offering you these 10 tips for returning to school like we’re offering our professors our assignments this year: three days late and partially done.
1. Lay waste to the trees of a thousand forests as you prepare to print your syllabuses.
2. Fill your backpack with all the essentials: a notebook, a pencil and a scythe for when Death surely cometh at midterms.
3. Shoot for the moon! If you miss, you will land among the stars, and your body will combust and become stardust, and stardust does not have to write research papers.
4. Stock up on dorm essentials like tissues — you will need them for your allergies and your enemies will need them for their tears.
5. Line up at the door when your professor asks, so he’ll put another scoop in the jellybean jar, and you’ll be that much closer to a class pizza party!
6. Plan your trip to the Old Well strategically to avoid lines. Go days later if necessary. Its late policy is more lenient than a COMM professor’s, probably.
7. Go to Trader Joe's for paper bags to make DIY book covers and to buy three buck chuck for when you have to open those books.
8. Prepare your interesting fact for icebreakers in advance. Skip boring facts like where you've traveled and go straight to the cool stuff like how you ate your twin in the womb and how many trap doors your apartment has.
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