Kelsey Weekman (#SoWhite) and Drew Goins (the first openly LGBT man to write an advice column, he decided) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You: I’m having a hard time participating in class. What am I supposed to do, drop 10 percent of my grade in everything?
You Asked for It: There’s no reason to be shy. Everyone else in your class is a scared baby desperate to graduate, just like you.
Except for that one guy who sits in the front row and turns every moment of discussion into a chance to wax philosophical about the mundane. Don’t worry, he’ll end up very successful one day, but it’ll be, like, really exhausting.
Get pumped to speak up before class. Jam to the “Ice Princess” soundtrack (the anthem to a bashful generation) and take a sip of one of those suspicious canned Starbucks drinks. The added energy might propel you through the roof, but you’ll certainly break the glass (gypsum plaster) ceiling.