We have five more days of Lent, and I am going to Olive Garden immediately

For Lent this year, I gave up eating pasta. I can say with relative certainty and absolute privilege that it was the hardest thing I've done thus far in my life.

To make things worse, two weeks before Spring Break started, I also gave up bread and rice — the other two legs of the Holy Trinity. And I was miserable, but that's the time of year it is. And at least I was miserable and ~hot~ for Spring Break.*

To make your diet a little more pleasant for you and your loved ones who will face your hanger, check out some of Kelsey's advice today.

*Note: In retrospect, everyone is miserable and hot in New Orleans regardless of carb intake.

— Danny

QUICK HITS

• Cemeteries make up less than 3 percent of North Carolina properties on the National Register of Historic Places. Old Chapel Hill Cemetery is one of them, and its history is surprisingly turbulent.
• The Carolina Women's Center had to red-light its search for a new director more than a year ago, but it's planning to have the position filled by July 1 now.
• Fans on social media are saying UNC beat Providence twice on Saturday — both in men's basketball and in our band's choreography to middle school dance anthems.
• Counseling and Psychological Services is offering "Anxiety 101" sessions for students who think they might need help managing their stress. It meets in the Student Union on Thursdays.
• Former UNC-system silver fox and president Tom Ross has moved on to a new position on the board of directors of a Canadian-based pharmaceutical company.

IN SPORTS NEWS

The last time we faced Indiana in the NCAA, they killed Michael Jordan's college career. It was in 1984, and they beat us 72-68. But this was also at a time when movie tickets were $2.50, people still listened to Wham! and your new Apple computer looked like an Etch-A-Sketch. So 1984 can't tell me heck.

IN "ADVICE"

Spring is finally here, signaling to the entirety of the animal kingdom that it's time to begin dieting and finding summer internship housing. Drew Goins and Kelsey Weekman are here to walk you through both in the most sincere way possible. They're like Delilah from 99.5, except younger and slightly more qualified to be offering professional advice.

IN STATE POLITICS

The woman. The myth. The Elevator Queen. Cherie Berry, who is sometimes known as the state’s labor commissioner and always as that headshot in the elevator, is up for re-election in November. Competition in the race will reach new levels as she faces off against Democrat Charles Meeker.

IN LOVE

When Gabrielle Calvocoressi saw Angeline Shaka 20 years ago, it was love at first sight. For Shaka, it was love after, like, a really good friendship. But she said that was even better, and now they're happily coupled in their professorships at UNC. Shaka teaches communication studies, and Calvocoressi teaches creative writing.