I apologize for how often "Duke" appears in today's newsletter. I don't apologize for "Dook."

College dating is a messy ordeal. Maybe you get asked out by someone you're not interested in. Maybe you're 21 and still afraid of confrontation, so you opt for a, "Hey, you're really cool, but if I had more than an hour of unaccounted-for time a day, I'd spend it actually getting sleep."

So, you know, you tell a hypothetical person you do like him, but you're not in a place to date. And then, maybe a few weeks later, he sees you post a photo on Instagram with a new person.

I could be talking about John Gorsuch, the former UNC Student Stores director, who recently retired from UNC and then went to work at Duke. I could also be talking about my dating life from sophomore year. Who knows.

— Danny

QUICK HITS

• UNC is taking on the worst school in the world twice this weekend — both with Marcus Paige and with the third UNC-Duke Special Olympics basketball game.
• Berryhill Hall could be getting a $90.6-million facelift if the Connect NC bond passes in the primary vote on March 15.
• "Hairspray," my second-favorite musical of all time, is opening tonight at the ArtsCenter in Carrboro. Currently accepting offers to buy my ticket.
• UNC graduate and "Magic Tree House" author Mary Pope Osborne announced she's working with Lionsgate to make a live-action movie version of her 29th book, "Christmas in Camelot."

IN SCANDAL

The former UNC Student Stores director is now working for Dook. John Gorsuch, who announced his retirement in November, was recently seen canoodling with Duke Stores. A UNC official said Gorsuch might've just decided retirement wasn't for him. Which is fine. We're fine. It's fine.

IN COLLEGE AFFORDABILITY

The internet might be able to save us from textbook prices. Groups offering open-source books are on the rise at UNC and other universities. One group, OpenStax, said students have saved $66 million using their textbooks. For context, that could pay for my Chipotle order roughly six million times.

IN OUR OPINION

Dook still unequivocally, relentlessly, scientifically sucks. It always will. Whether you graduated 178 years ago or are the most recent generation to come to the light (blue), we all share a common disdain for Dook. And that hatred is forever — like a diamond or white people's love for "Bohemian Rhapsody."

IN URBAN GAMING

UNC students are signing up to get locked into a room with five friends for over half an hour. It's called "Escape the Room," and the Urban Gaming Club is bringing it to UNC. Unrelated note: If you think being locked in an enclosed space with peers and not being allowed to leave until you finish almost-impossible work sounds "fun," consider applying to work for us in the fall!