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(11/17/10 4:15am)
Did you know that children who begin reading earlier perform better in school as students, are more successful as young adults, have higher self-esteem and have been shown to be 56 percent better than children who are simply average readers?
(10/19/10 2:38am)
Many adults look back fondly on their college days as the best four years of their life.
(09/17/10 2:48am)
The other day I attempted to turn off my light without leaving the warm confines of my bed. After stretching and struggling for a good minute and a half, I thought to myself “God! How pathetically lazy am I that I can’t even get out of bed to turn out a light?” Is there any possible way to justify this egregious act of sloth?
(09/02/10 2:47am)
I have enough T-shirts. Long-sleeve, short-sleeve. White tee, tall tee. Turtleneck, V-neck. You name it, I’ve got it in at least one color. I definitely do not need any more.
(04/01/10 2:20am)
I was riding in the car with a friend the other day when he got a phone call. He glanced at the number and gave an exasperated look. He waited a couple rings and answered the phone with as much enthusiasm as an anticipated visit to the dentist. The conversation quickly became a soliloquy on the other line. Detailed answers turned to monosyllabic yeses and no’s. After three painstaking minutes of listening to this nails-on-chalkboard conversation, he gave the classic line, “I’m losing reception. Can I call you back later?” He delivered the line well. He conveyed some semblance of remorse that the conversation would have to be reconvened a later time, and he left me believing that he actually might return the call once he had some free time and better reception.I looked over disapprovingly, but he assured me that he in fact had lost reception. But the fact that he had used an excuse to leave a conversation made me realize just how important that skill set is. Having one bulletproof “Conversation Ender” or being an accomplished “Conversation Executioner” are skills that we will come to value at a premium. People communicate in more mediums now than ever before — face to face, on the phone and on instant messenger. So it stands to reason that people have more frustrating conversations they need to weasel their way out of now, too. A bad Conversation Ender can ruin a relationship and is emotionally crippling to both parties involved. The receiving party of a bad Conversation Ender knows that their time and input is not valued at all, and worse yet, feels like their intelligence has been insulted by the Conversation Executioner. On the other hand, the Conversation Executioner must realize that he or she is an idiot that can’t make a good excuse. Good Conversation Executioners do not lie. Excuses and lies are different. An excuse is something you can follow through with, regardless of what lengths you might have to achieve to attain your excuse. A lie is less defendable than an excuse. If, after the Conversation Ender has been issued, the receiving party confronts the Conversation Executioner about the Conversation Ender, he or she must be able to prove the validity of the Conversation Ender. Complexity is a good thing as long as the Conversation Ender is true. Everyone has a high opinion of themselves. The more complex and outrageous the Conversation Ender, the more likely someone is to believe it. Who would voluntarily spill boiling water on themselves while making spaghetti and talking on the phone to get out of a conversation? A good Conversation Executioner.For face-to-face interactions, it’s good to have another possible future activity at all times. At parties, I make sure I always have an empty cup. That way I can always say, “Nice seeing you. Wait one second while I get another drink.” While this method may have some negative unintended consequences, it is a perfectly reasonable and believable Conversation Ender.Everyone has the ability to become an accomplished Conversation Executioner. Remember, don’t lie, feel free to make your excuse as complex as you want, and ignorance is bliss. If you feel like you’re on the receiving end of a good Conversation Ender, give credit where credit is due and respect the Conversation Executioner.
(03/17/10 2:01am)
Fads come and go. As a kid, we had Furby, Pokémon cards and Beanie Babies. These fads were pretty cool for a while, but eventually, they lost their luster. All fads follow the same basic life cycle. First, a select few know about the fad. As more people learn about the product, it inevitably becomes popular. Then, once the product has completely saturated the market, people start to get sick of seeing it everywhere. Eventually, it becomes kind of embarrassing to be the only kid in class who still has a binder full of Pokémon cards. The fad is clearly over by now, but a couple of people still haven’t caught on yet.The term “fad” extends beyond just material goods — it also applies to words. So I’m writing to ask for your help to end the use of the word “swagger.” Let’s skip the part where a few stragglers haven’t realized the fad is over and just stop allowing the use of the word altogether.I’m not sure when the fad began, but it has clearly saturated the verbal marketplace. The whole reason why the word “swagger” is appealing is because it is exclusive. Not everyone can have it or its meaning gets diluted. The way people, most notably musical artists, carelessly throw around the word swagger today is like addressing everyone as “King.” The only reason it’s cool to be king is because no one else has that power. Very few people have swagger. Michael Jordan had it. Muhammad Ali had it.I do not have swagger, and most likely, you don’t either.I did some research to find out just how overbearing swagger has become. After Googling “swagger,” I discovered a Web site called swagbucks.com. At swagbucks.com, you can earn swagbucks by entering swagcodes to earn prizes from the swagstore or in the swagstakes.Really? Swagger is not something you can buy, earn or win. You can’t turn it on (Soulja Boy). You can’t surf with it (Lil Wayne). I’d like to end the “swagger” fad for two reasons. Personally, I’m just sick of hearing the word haphazardly thrown around. The notion that a Web site like swagbucks.com exists should be a wake-up call. What’s next? Will Wheaties come out with a swagtastic cereal to give the average person an extra dose of swagger?Additionally, I’d like to restore the meaning of swagger. The word “swagger” is not a bad word; it’s the people that use it who devalue its meaning. When used properly, swagger is a great noun. In his prime, Jordan exuded swagger. At the end of a close game, everyone knew Jordan was going to make the last shot and there was nothing the opposing team could do about it. But how exactly do you end a fad? I’d like to suggest a few synonyms that will return swagger’s integrity:Arrogance: to describe the person who has all the confidence of a person with swagger but doesn’t back it up. Braggadocio: a noun for bragging and much more fun to say. So, the next time you hear someone incorrectly use swagger, whether it be on TV, or on the radio, please change the channel.
(03/03/10 4:23am)
In the first few minutes before class yesterday, I overheard a conversation between two classmates. From what I could gather, they were talking about a play or a book. The conversation was about the depth of a character or something like that. Then I heard the following sentence: “I have a distinct curiosity about humanity.” I lurched in my seat. “I have a distinct curiosity about humanity”!? I turned around slowly to make sure he wasn’t reading a sentence from an English essay he BS’ed his way through in 10th grade. He wasn’t. Maybe this was some sort of horrible attempt at humor. However, no one was laughing — especially me.What does that even mean — distinct curiosity about humanity? Maybe I’m not the right caliber of student, but I had no idea. I don’t think the guy in my class did either. This statement was a manifestation of a serious epidemic that has been spreading around campus lately: tightass-itis.If you’ve heard a similar snobbish remark in one of your classes, on the way to class, or in the dining hall, you may be a victim of tightass-itis. The long-term repercussions of continued exposure to tightass-itis have not been studied much, but from my limited experience and medical background, I know this is a dangerous disease that we need to confront head-on. A friend of mine at an Ivy League school up north could not escape the repeated tightass-itis of his friends. Today, he only speaks in metaphors and Shakespeare quotes. I’m worried for the welfare of the entire student body.Look, we’re still college students. While it’s great to be ridiculously smart, is it really worth it if everyone thinks you’re a pretentious ass? College is as much about learning things as it is about learning how to communicate and operate in the real world. There’s a time and a place for everything. Now before the tightass-itis community attacks me, I’m not advocating that we dumb ourselves down to make everyone more comfortable. I’m advocating balance. It’s great to hear about the 30-page thesis paper you just wrote, but maybe not at the expense of talking about our chance of winning the ACC tournament.While there are no FDA-approved treatments for tightass-itis today, I have heard that there are several lifestyle changes those afflicted with this disease can make. For starters, laughing at people when they do stupid things. Browsing collegehumor.com and failblog.org are also good remedies. One of the things that we take pride in and put an emphasis on here at Carolina is being well-rounded. We should be able to confidently talk about humanity and peoples’ varying levels of interest in it, and also talk about how hot your professor is. I actually think it’s easier to become a school that talks about how interesting humanity is all the time. That description includes 94 percent of students at Duke. It’s much harder to strike a balance between having a school life and a life outside of school. So please, make sure to laugh sometime today: at yourself, a friend or a funny YouTube video.
(02/11/10 5:40am)
I was in the hospital a week and a half ago. I had the distinct pleasure of being afflicted with both pneumonia and mononucleosis. While everyone was enjoying the snow that fell in Chapel Hill, I was restricted to a hospital bed, gown and all. It was in this rare instance that I felt I could justifiably complain about my bedridden-ness. But before doing so, I checked myself. Everyone hates a complainer, especially one who complains all the time about frivolous things — The Frequent Complainer. If it’s a sunny day, it’s too hot. In a fancy restaurant, the lighting is too dim. The glass is always half empty. There’s usually an easily identifiable frequent complainer in any group of friends. Until recently, I unconditionally hated the Frequent Complainer. Come on, get over yourself, I would think. No one cares how tired you are, or how stressed you might be about some upcoming test.Because of my distaste for Frequent Complainers, I have always been pretty conscious about my level of complaining. Only in the most dire of circumstances, when my life is truly horrific and everyone should know about it, do I dare to issue a complaint. The only thing worse than a Frequent Complainer is one who doesn’t tolerate other Frequent Complainers. A hypocrite. Because I had some extra time at my disposal in the hospital, I began to reevaluate my stance on complaining, and I had a revelation.It’s okay to complain, I decided. Yes, it’s okay to complain as long as you know beyond a doubt that you have the most pathetic, tragic, sympathy-grabbing story. This makes sense to me on two separate levels.Everyone enjoys complaining. It relieves you of some level of stress, and maybe you can get some pity points out of it if you have a particularly sympathetic friend. But if used in moderation and with good timing, a good complaint can be beneficial to all parties involved.Who doesn’t like learning that someone else has had a worse day than themselves?Man, I had a pretty crappy day, and I think I failed my test, but at least I didn’t get a speeding ticket and arrive late for an interview as a result. Knowing that someone else is in a worse position immediately makes your day that much better, regardless of your own situation.I think moderation and self-awareness are the keys to a good complaint. One or two well-timed complaints a week can certainly have a positive effect on the mood of others, but any more than that and you are living a borderline pathetic life. Also, self-awareness. Like I said previously, no one likes a Frequent Complainer. If you’re going to complain, you really need to be sure that your complaint won’t be trumped. In order to have a good complaint, you need to go all out, and you need to be sure that no one else has a story that out-complains yours. So give the Frequent Complainer in your group of friends a second chance. Maybe he or she really does have a story worth complaining about. And it might just make you feel a little better yourself.