David Bierer


3-year-old illiteracy not a problem

Did you know that children who begin reading earlier perform better in school as students, are more successful as young adults, have higher self-esteem and have been shown to be 56 percent better than children who are simply average readers? And for the price of $14.95, your three-year-old can learn to read at a first-grade level. I made the last stat up, but the first three were pulled word for word from the “Your Baby Can Read” website.

Laying out the rules of laziness

The other day I attempted to turn off my light without leaving the warm confines of my bed. After stretching and struggling for a good minute and a half, I thought to myself “God! How pathetically lazy am I that I can’t even get out of bed to turn out a light?” Is there any possible way to justify this egregious act of sloth? I determined that while my specific act of laziness may have been inexcusable, laziness in certain instances may be justifiable and even necessary.

One shirt, two shirt, red shirt, blue shirt

I have enough T-shirts. Long-sleeve, short-sleeve. White tee, tall tee. Turtleneck, V-neck. You name it, I’ve got it in at least one color. I definitely do not need any more. And this is why I’m tired of the charity 5k races. Is there really no other way to galvanize the support of a group of people toward a specific cause? I’ve got to think there is.

I’ve gotta go, I’ll talk to you later

I was riding in the car with a friend the other day when he got a phone call. He glanced at the number and gave an exasperated look. He waited a couple rings and answered the phone with as much enthusiasm as an anticipated visit to the dentist.

Diffcult to escape pretension in college

In the first few minutes before class yesterday, I overheard a conversation between two classmates. From what I could gather, they were talking about a play or a book. The conversation was about the depth of a character or something like that. Then I heard the following sentence: “I have a distinct curiosity about humanity.”

Complain to make someone else’s day

I was in the hospital a week and a half ago. I had the distinct pleasure of being afflicted with both pneumonia and mononucleosis. While everyone was enjoying the snow that fell in Chapel Hill, I was restricted to a hospital bed, gown and all. It was in this rare instance that I felt I could justifiably complain about my bedridden-ness. But before doing so, I checked myself.