Kvetching board for October 29, 2010
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
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kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
kvetch:
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
kvetch:
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complainDear vuvuzelas: Why must you make me avoid ESPN at all costs?Dear UK goalkeeper, thank you for screwing up. We love you, the United States.To the person who keeps complaining about having their bike stolen … SPOILER ALERT: Using a lock helps prevent this. Dear Chaco-hater, I hope you trip on your Rainbows or Jack Rogers on the bricks on the way to class.Dear CTOPS parents: No, I do not know what your child’s foreign language is. Let them figure it out.Send your one-to-two sentence entries to dthedit@gmail.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’
kvetch:v.1 (Yiddish) to complainDid the smoke monster leave the “Lost” island and invade South Campus? Oh wait, that’s just the construction.To the girls upset about not having a boyfriend - make an effort. Talk to a guy. You’ll be surprised how often it works. So quit your kvetching.To the guy sitting next to me in Shakespeare, you give “flaming liberal” a whole new meaning.Dear camel toe, leggings are not pants.To the bike gods … This is the third bike I have had stolen this year. Really?!?To the guy next to me in lecture with our class roster and facebook up: please stop creeping on the women in our class.To kvetchers: Is sex all you think about?To the girl smuggling 3 stuffed animals in her backpack. You’re either insane or my new best friend.Why are you wearing Chacos? You’re not trudging through the rainforest, and you’re not forging through a river. You’re walking to class.To the DMV worker at University Mall: I know you hate your life but do you really have to take it out on me and my car registration?Dear new UNC couples: there is a fine line between cute and me wanting to throw things at you.Send your one-to-two sentence entries to dthedit@gmail.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complainDear ex-boyfriend: Thanks for almost running me over with your bike. You’ve already crushed me once, you don’t need to do it again.To the man standing uncomfortably close behind me at the Davis ATMs, I just let out an SBD. You’ve been warned.Dear New Jersey: Your shows are like Busch Light — cheap yet satisfying.Guys of UNC: Contrary to popular belief, bathing is still a necessity for picking up girls … no matter how desperate we are.To the girl licking each page of her textbook in Davis and moaning quietly: studying just became all the more interesting.To the person who thoughtfully left lubricant and a condom on my desk in Davis: Thank you for your concern, but my math homework and I are only getting to first base tonight.To the birds that attacked me on the stairs by the Union: a plague on both your nests!To the voice on the intercom in Davis: Why can’t you be as sexy and mysterious as the voice in the UL?To the person at Spencer who continues to steal my bike, and yet brings it back. Uhh …thanks?To the girl wearing a dress and climbing a tree in the Pit: It may look like a tree, but all I see is bush.--Send your one-to-two sentence entries to dthedit@gmail.com subject line ‘kvetch.’
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complainTo the girl in my chemistry class with “think” tattooed above her butt crack: I did, and no thanks.Who do I have to blow to get my kvetch chosen? Dear puke on Stadium Drive I passed this morning: Oh, how I wish to remember if you are mine …To the high school girl I danced with at the 80s dance at Cat’s Cradle: Don’t call your dad. I’ll give you a ride home. It took more time to deliver my sandwich than it did for the Titanic to sink.To the girl on the phone in the Cabaret yelling out her symptoms: I’m no doctor, but I advise you to take a pregnancy test ASAP.Dear hipsters: Why do you pay so much money to look so poor?To the P2P guy who was so drunk that he started hitting on himself in the mirror: Enough said. To my (female) roommate: The ladies in your girl-on-girl porn may not wear bras, but you should. Dear couple doggie-styling on a Merritt Mill fire hydrant two weeks ago: Kind of gross … but also kind of want to try the “fire drill” now. Dear guy in Spencer study lounge discussing your grandfather’s case of herpes: Your family tree is much more interesting than my astronomy book.Dear sorority girls: Wearing Ray-Bans and Chacos does not make you alternative. Dear hungry squirrel: I’m not your personal climbing pole, and these are not your nuts. To my across-the-hall neighbor: It was funny to find you randomly asleep on my couch. It wasn’t so funny when I found pee later.Dear tap water in Craige: I’m not racist, but I hate you for being white. To the violinist in the Hill Hall practice rooms: I seriously thought you were a dial-up connection.Hey Lenoir: I know we’ve only known each other for a year now, but I thought you would at least tell me when you make a major life decision like going down a cup size. Why do anarchists spend so much time in men’s public bathroom stalls?To the kid in my geography class: Stop watching turtle porn!To the guy Googling, “how to teleport into the future” in ANTH 319: I wish this class was over too.Dear workout partner: Stop saying things like, “I felt you come down and just couldn’t push any more” when I’m bench pressing. To the girl who threw up during our SOCI 101 class: I have to pregame to bear it, too. Dear guy in Lenoir wearing pink and purple camouflage: Were you planning on hiding in a gay forest?
Kvetch:
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complainTo the guy sitting next to me in class who got up and moved two seats over when I congratulated you on getting the professor’s question right: Why?To the guy in HoJo who told us to move our pizza box at 12 a.m. and claimed to be an RA: Stop being a creeper.To the person who wrote “I LOVE ANAL” on the back of my pollen-covered car in the PR lot: WTF happened to the classic “Wash Me”?Dear couple who had a make-out session in front of me during the Beethoven Violin Concerto: This is a London Philharmonic concert at Memorial Hall — not some grade D movie at a deserted movie theater.Hey business school hand dryer: Want to get freaky?To the two girls attempting to streak in the quad on Saturday night: Covering yourself up as you run through Polk Place is cheating.To the guys who stand in their yard shirtless on Church Street every day doing manly things: I hear Tool Academy is now taking applications.Dear Chapel Hill drivers: When you decide to stop at crosswalks, I will use the crosswalks.If you put a Wendy’s in the Union, it will actually be environmentally friendly. I won’t need to drive my SUV all the way to Carrboro to get a Frosty.To the girl who threw up during our SOCI 101 class: I have to pregame to bear it, too.To 3 a.m.: We’ve got to stop meeting this way. I’d much rather sleep with you. To the treadmill in the SRC: I agree that the “Cha Cha Slide” is catchy, but “REVERSE REVERSE!” is NOT an appropriate action for a treadmill.Dear workout partner: Stop saying things like “I felt you come down and just couldn’t push any more” when I’m bench pressing.To the basketball players: If only you were as hardcore about the game as you are about Twitter.To the girl smuggling three stuffed animals in her backpack: You’re either insane or my new best friend.To the guy who proceeded to wake the dead with his iPhone in the UL: Ever hear of courtesy? I guess there’s no app for that.Dear guy waving at the fish in the Union: Get a life.Campus Health charged me $7.50 for ONE Benadryl. Is this how they make their money?!To the abled guy who just used the UL elevator: Damn, you’re cute, but are you really that lazy?Dear sexy Chinese 102 prof: You accessorize like a goddess. Send your one-to-two sentence entries to dthedit@gmail.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complainTo the Manly dorm housekeeper who declared that our elevator doesn’t appear to be working: We don’t even have an elevator.To the bird who pooped on my STOR 415 test: I already thought my grade was BS. Way to pile it on.Dear studious psych major who asked if “hippocampus” was a philosopher: For my sake, I hope you’re never my therapist.Really SRC? You’re going to set the television to Food Network while I work out?Dear guy in Spencer study lounge discussing your grandfather’s case of herpes: Your family tree is much more interesting than my astronomy book.Sorry, emotionally playing an acoustic cover of “Dolla Dolla Bill Y’all” in the quad does not make you artistic.Dear pollen: I am not on my way to the city of Oz. I do NOT need a yellow brick road.Dear summer weather: You are not my ex-boyfriend, but you still came too soon. Trees: I’m excited about spring too, but quit flinging pollen in my face! You cannot fertilize me.Rams Head: I’d gotten used to your greasy pizza, burgers, breakfast, etc., but how can you do that to an apple? Dear answer choice “all of the above”: You instill so much self-doubt in me … or do you?To the girl in the tiny bikini in Lenoir: I was shocked, yet I could not look away … To the guy who hit me with a Frisbee in the quad today: I forgive you, but please never refer to your moobs as rock-hard pecs ever again.To the guy trading fried rice for notes: Why aren’t you in any of my classes?To my professor, who used “swagger” properly when discussing Margaret Thatcher’s economic plan: Bravo. To the three girls on the Student Stores escalator that said “All you need to become an astronaut is something called a feedee … and was spelled p-h-d”: I don’t see much of a future for you guys. To the middle-aged guy blasting Miley Cyrus with the windows rolled down: Is there free candy in the back of your van?To suitemate using Dawn dish soap as body wash: Does one pump get the job done?To whoever stole the TV from the Baptist Campus Ministries: We forgive you because Jesus forgave us.Memo to the Eminem wannabe in the Union: Wearing basketball shorts does not give you a license to fondle yourself in public.Send your one-to-two sentence entries to dthedit@gmail.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’