Yesterday I saved two students $125 each, but I don’t want a thank you. I want a kvetch.

Shout out to the girl in the UL who just shut down the cute couple whispering sweet nothings to each other. I kick puppies for fun myself.

UNC: Voted #1 Plant Sex Life by Playboy Magazine.

Yo, Holi Moli and giant chalk: I’m really happy for you and I’mma let you finish, but pollen is the most annoying dust to cover this campus of all time.

Let’s be honest, if Mike Rice had been throwing those basketballs at Duke players, would anybody really care?

To the girl with a Blackberry: Lol, you have a Blackberry.

So we send our solid waste to Durham and they send us their criminals? Seems like a fair trade to me.

Trading basketball tickets is dishonorable? In ECON 101, it was called “market efficiency.”

if I don’t get phase one Duke tickets, I will do to the CAA what Danny Green did to Greg Paulus.

Ethical dilemma: If I gave up soda for Lent, can I still use my coke-flavored condom?