Thanks, Alert Carolina, for telling me about a campus assault three hours after it was reported. I feel prepared.
PWAD 272, a haiku: You are required/But there is just one section/Screw you, budget cuts.
My people have suffered long enough — the All Saints Day hangover needs to be an observed University holiday.
To the guy who fell asleep on the ab machine: Location of sleep does not increase calories burned.
Duke might have the latest Nobel laureate, but we’ve got Bill Nye coming. UNC 1, Duke 0
Can the B-schoolers make themselves useful and please fix our Wendy’s?
Guys, let’s give the CUAB a break. They haven’t had experience with something as difficult as handing out tickets because the concert last year was The New Pornographers.
To the girl that managed to stick her umbrella up my shorts on the bus: I will admit that you got me wet, but honestly, I’m not interested.
Just when I thought I could get away from sorority girl drama, it comes to the letters to the editor section. Nothing is safe.
To the guy who walked in on me taking a dump in the Union while I was on my laptop, I thought I locked the door and I wasn’t masturbating. I promise!
Nothing says welcome back to Franklin Street like seeing a guy take a dump outside Subway in broad daylight.
Uh, yeah. I’ll have a large order of waffle fries, but could you hand them to me over by the Subway in an unmarked bag? Thanks.
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain The Wendy’s in Carrboro is so slow at night, I feel like I’d get my food quicker if I just stood outside the Union and watched them build the new one. Maybe we can get our senators to pass a law that the air temperature can never be higher than 85 degrees. To the calorie conscious patron who only eats Wendy’s: your friend be hatin’. Pack on the pounds, hire an agent and switch to Subway’s.
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain To the CTOPS guy from Maine who said it was “really hot” when the high was 80: Get ready for a fun four years, bro.
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain To the obnoxious lady who screamed “amen!” and “absolutely!” after everything Obama said during his speech, please install a muzzle on your mouth and never come to any UNC events other than basketball games. President Obama AND Late Night with Jimmy Fallon AND Dave Matthews — try to top that for LDOC, Dookies. Over or under 100% of the kvetches being about Obama’s visit or LDOC? Making the Kvetching Board twice as big only makes it half as exciting when you get one published, and twice as disappointing when you don’t.
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain Happy 4/20, everyone. To the girl who was absolutely convinced “Mr. Brightside” was written about her life: Most relationships do, in fact, start out with a kiss. To the hipster who burned his tongue on his coffee: That’s what you get for drinking it before it was cool. If Amendment One passes, I’m blaming Brad and Angelina for getting married. To the guy who warned me that he is not boyfriend material: Given a 60:40 ratio and the quality of UNC guys, I’m not the relationship type either, so don’t worry baby.
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain To the kid playing pickup against the basketball team while wearing Sperry’s: the Ralph Lauren photo shoot is next week.
kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain To the girl with the Slytherin prefect’s badge on her bookbag: AVADA KEDAVRA!!