You Asked for It - The Daily Tar Heel

Perry Carter and Derek Fulton are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.

You Asked For It: In which we scam Campus Dining Services and keep your butt dry.

Sep. 12, 2017

Perry Carter (First Citizens) and Derek Fulton (Wells Fargo) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.

Kiana Cole, a junior journalism major, and Alison Krug, a senior journalism major, are the writers of You Asked for It.

You Asked For It: How to study abroad, and how to stay home

By Kiana Cole and Alison Krug | Sep. 21, 2016

Alison Krug (buried under homework) and Kiana Cole (classes haven’t started) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we help you survive spending the summer at home

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Jun. 10, 2015

You: How do I avoid seeing old high school “friends” without seeming like I’m actually avoiding them?

You Asked for It: In which we learn to let go and enjoy summer in a ghost town

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Apr. 21, 2015

Drew Goins (headed to Norfolk, Va., to be a Dow Jones News Fund intern this summer) and Kelsey Weekman (please hire her, please please PLEASE) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we cram for finals and look for a subletter (please?)

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Apr. 14, 2015

Drew Goins (critically acclaimed writer of The Daily Tar Heel’s legendary 2014 RoboCop review) and Kelsey Weekman (serious journalist) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we go catfishing and celebrate the quad’s rebirth

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Apr. 7, 2015

Drew Goins (a 20-year-old man in Dubai) and Kelsey Weekman (a 57-year-old woman in her parents’ basement) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we suggest pranks and teach a Scrooge to love them.

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Mar. 31, 2015

Drew Goins (April Fools!) and Kelsey Weekman (new haircut) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we fix your busted bracket and try to befriend Carol Folt

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Mar. 23, 2015

Drew Goins (whose bracket got pretty upset) and Kelsey Weekman (who’s just upset in general) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we prepare you for your spring break conversations

Mar. 16, 2015

Drew Goins (white dudes hold the record for creepy crimes) and Kelsey Weekman (but females are strong as hell) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we channel our inner Dad and learn to stop the music

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Mar. 2, 2015

Drew Goins (Punctuation is Fun-ctuation!) and Kelsey Weekman (They don’t call her Kelsey “Grammar.”) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we atone for missed birthdays and kick the bucket (list)

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Feb. 24, 2015

Drew Goins (Neil Patrick Harris’ body double for that underwear bit) and Kelsey Weekman (Bandicoot Lingersnatch) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked For It: In which we await Chapel Hill’s future as the ice planet, Hoth.

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Feb. 17, 2015

Drew Goins (who didn’t know about the impending frozen precipitation until two hours before our deadline) and Kelsey Weekman (whose mom tweeted a handy list of snow survival tips at her, so she’s all set) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we advise the tragically single and tragically taken

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Feb. 10, 2015

Drew Goins (That wasn’t Kristen Wiig dancing with Sia — that was him!) and Kelsey Weekman (Beck) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we counsel dancing sharks and lonely lads

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Feb. 3, 2015

Drew Goins (left shark) and Kelsey Weekman (just here so she won’t get fined) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we explore online dating and protect our belongings

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Jan. 26, 2015

Drew Goins (HerCampus’ February 2014 Campus Cutie!!) and Kelsey Weekman (Alert Carolina’s September 2014 Disaster of the Month) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.”

You Asked For It: In which we befriend the basketball team and seek employment

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Jan. 19, 2015

Drew Goins (live from Spain) and Kelsey Weekman (dead) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It,” a weekly advice column in which the two experts give their rarely helpful advice in response to anonymous questions submitted by UNC students.

You Asked for It: In which we relate to the youths and find new ways to stay fit

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Jan. 12, 2015

Drew Goins (boy Amy Poehler) and Kelsey Weekman (whose only shared attributes with Tina Fey are brown hair and an affinity for night cheese) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we come to truly appreciate N.C. State’s charms

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Nov. 25, 2014

Drew Goins (engineering major — fingers crossed!) and Kelsey Weekman (poultry science major with a minor in professional golf management) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we contemplate matrimony and cross-campus journeys

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Nov. 18, 2014

Drew Goins (swipe left) and Kelsey Weekman (take a moment to consider, hesitantly swipe right) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You Asked for It: In which we celebrate a sober 21st and dabble in witchcraft

By Kelsey Weekman and Drew Goins | Nov. 10, 2014

Drew Goins (who is writing from Washington, D.C., this week) and Kelsey Weekman (who is writing while eating raw cookie dough like a granola bar) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.”